Chill Mode: The Reason Why You're Not Being Taken Out on Dates
It was a hot, Saturday night in early June. Tori decided to go to a club with some of her girlfriends to distress after a long workweek. Her friends were dancing, but she was thirsty and decided to go over and hang out at the bar. Moments later, a tall, fairly decent looking guy comes over to introduce himself. “Hi, I’m David, I saw you standing here alone, and thought you may have needed some company. What’s your name?” Tori thought to herself, “What a lame. There are at least five other people at this bar, but whatever, I’ll entertain this.”
“I’m Tori, and I’m not alone, my girlfriends are over there,” she says pointing over to a group of ladies cackling and dancing awkwardly. He looks and laughs, and they engage in a surprisingly interesting conversation, then David asks Tori for her phone number. They exchange numbers and began to communicate pretty often; they spend quite a few hours talking on the phone at least every other day and text daily. Despite, what seems to be interest on his part, David never mentions taking Tori out. He does, however, offer for her to come over to watch a movie at his place. Tori reluctantly accepted David’s invitation, although she would’ve preferred going out on a date. She spends the evening there, and they end up being intimate with each other. The communication began to dwindle, and eventually evaporated. Tori and Dave never went on a date. Tori then had a conversation with her girlfriends about it. “I’m not understanding. The chemistry seemed to be there, but he never asked for a date, just to chill. What’s up with men not wanting to take women out?”
Over the past couple of years, I have heard the cries and witnessed the complaints of women in person, via social media status updates, and through countless memes shared about men not taking them out on dates and always wanting to “chill.” Although this is widespread and a real thing of some guys not wanting to take females out, I can’t say that I empathize with this complaint, not even in the least bit. Here’s why.
It may sound cliché, but people will only treat you the way you allow them to. If you agree to coming over a guy’s house to chill in the beginning of a dating situation, you’re essentially setting the tone of the relationship and letting him know that you’re okay with just chillin’. If you know that you want to be taken out and treated like a lady, you must act as such, require a man to take you out, and stick to those standards. If you meet a guy who shows interest in you and vice versa, you exchange numbers, and he doesn’t mention taking you out before asking you to “chill,” let your expectations be known and if he isn’t with it, excuse yourself from that situation. It is better to weed them out quickly before you get in your feelings behind someone who isn’t worth it.
Another angle to view in regards to chillin’ is if you agree to it upfront, sleep with the guy, and then that becomes your routine. Once again, if this is your situation, I have no idea why you’re complaining. Another popular, but befitting saying is “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” What incentive does a guy have to taking you out at this point? If you haven’t required this guy to do anything, but give you the code to his apartment gate so you can “Netflix and chill,” then what makes you think he should want to take you out? Take you out? Take you out for what?! More often than not, he’s going to assess, categorize, and file you rather quickly under the “not a challenge, convenient, booty call chick” tab, and that’s the highest level you will ever reach.
It’s a very simple concept. Stop complaining about men not wanting to go on dates, and instead, raise your standards and make it a point to only deal with a man who is eager, willing, and ready to take you. If your standards for yourself aren’t high, don’t expect the man to raise the bar for you.
N7,
Candidly C