Relationship Faux Pas: 3 Things That Can Kill A Relationship

I am no relationship guru or some happily married woman with 20+ years under my belt, but I do have my own personal experiences. I am well aware of what has not worked for me, as well as for others that I have spoken with. If you’re dead set on your relationship not working, these things will definitely aid in your demise. However, if you are interested in trying to make it work, take notes, take heed, and be mindful (like I will) of these things moving forward. These are missteps that can have a detrimental effect on the survival of a relationship.

1. The “Let’s Go On a Break/I Need Some Space” Line.

It’s a recipe for disaster. I played this game in college. I had a steady boyfriend who really cared about me, but I wanted to explore. We had a rollercoaster ride of a relationship. When we came to a drop and I saw something else that I was interested in, we would break up because I needed “space.” Even though we were broken up, calling it “space,” “a break” or anything along those lines, would give him a glimmer of hope that it wouldn’t be long before we came back together. In doing this, I, the initiator of said break, would be putting him on hold just in case what I had my eye on didn’t pan out. I treated him like a safety net. I was out of line and full of it. It’s a load of BS, it’s selfish, and, in the end, it doesn’t yield positive results. In my experience, it creates more issues (i.e., more arguments, new people added to the mix, and hurt feelings.) I’ve been on both sides of this, and it doesn’t turn out well for either party.

2. Dwelling on Past Mistakes

I had this bad in previous relationships. Harping on past mistakes after they are long over with, and the problem has been fixed (MAJOR KEY, “fixed”) is relationship suicide. When mistakes are made and you make the choice to forgive the person and stay, you have to truly forgive and move forward from the situation. No one wants to be badgered, and constantly reminded of what they did or who they once were, especially if they no longer do those things and have changed. It pushes a person away, and it doesn’t create a loving and positive environment to flourish in as a couple.

3. Blaming Others for Your Mess: Not Taking Responsibility for YOURSELF!

I literally laughed out loud at this 3rd point because…Tyra, but seriously, it is so true! In relationships, I’m sure we all at some point have tried to play the “blame game,” instead of taking responsibility for what we are doing that isn’t right. An example is when people want to blame their treatment of you on something that someone did to them in the past. “Oh, I’m still butt hurt because this guy did me wrong, so I’m going to treat every guy hereafter like crap” or “this girl that I was in a short-term situationship with, broke my heart, so now I’m going to be a savage.” Your past isn't an excuse to treat people poorly. It shouldn’t dictate how you treat someone in the present, and if it does, you need to own that you have deep-seated issues that should be dealt with. Ownership is the first step to improvement. If we continue to blame our shortcomings on someone else, we will NEVER change.

Relationships require A LOT of work, but if we are conscious of things that could harm the success of them, then we have a better chance at making them last.

N7,

Candidly C