Your Pettiness Formed Against Her Won't Prosper!
It was another day, another… half of a dollar (because they weren’t paying much of anything). There I was sitting at my desk in a bustling office with my ear buds in, doing the mindless, monotonous tasks I was hired to do. *Eye Roll* Refer back to “Degreed Up & Stuck…or Maybe Not.”
Ok, back to the story. I’m sitting there listening to Pandora, and “working.” Moments later, out of my peripheral, I notice someone tapping on my desk to get my attention. It was “Monique,” a coworker that sat next to me. Halfway pissed because it was a song that I liked, I reluctantly removed one ear bud, “Yes?” She begins, “So they’re having Jane speak at the XYZ homecoming event.” (By the way, Monique attended the same college I did. I didn’t know her while attending though.)
I replied, “Oh ok. I remember Jane. I didn’t know her personally, but she was in my class.” Monique goes on to say, “Well, I don’t know why they would ask HER to speak. She was a “nobody” on campus, and I wouldn’t want to hear anything she would have to say anyway. ” *Insert thought cloud of what I wanted to say* “A nobody on campus?! B**ch, you’re at this pointless ass job just like I am. The woman is successful in her field, and has been featured on national broadcasts...who are YOU to call her a “nobody?”
Seeing that the Lord is my shepherd, and we were in a professional setting, I simply questioned, “Oh. Why is that?” She says, “Just look at her hair and how she dresses. My friends and I dress and carry ourselves a certain way, and…I just wouldn’t be interested in anything she had to say.” Now why I continued the conversation beyond that, I can’t tell you.
I go on to say, “Mmkay…I don’t see anything wrong with her hair or the way that she dresses. She wears her hair natural. She has a lot going for herself NOW, so apparently whoever put the event together thought she was qualified to speak.” Monique persists on spewing out nonsense about the young lady, then starts saying that they could’ve gotten this person or that person to speak. As she continues, I’m slowly placing my ear bud back in my ear to mute the ridiculousness.
The conversation was both appalling, and a complete waste of five minutes of my life. Did you just really stop me from my “hard work” to down a woman you don’t even know personally?
Ladies, let’s talk. This happens more often than not, and it’s not just with women we may not really know. It also happens in our social circles and families.
Why so catty? Why so critical? Why so… jealous?
“She thinks she’s got it going on. Tuh.” “Ugh…look at her hair. ” “No one is checking for her or her little business.”
I could go on and on. None of this criticism is constructive; it’s destructive. It’s not coming from a place of care or genuine concern. It’s just pure hatefulness.
It’s disgusting, counterproductive, and we just shouldn’t be that way. As always, I will be perfectly honest with you guys. I am guilty of pointlessly criticizing another woman. I have found that when we display this type of behavior, it doesn’t downplay the other woman or what she has going on. It showcases our own insecurities and whatever miserable state that we are currently in. Here’s a piece of advice. Take the time to do some self-reflection to find out why you’re BIG MAD, so that you can discontinue projecting those insecurities onto others.
When you see another woman who is on her game or doing well, don’t turn your nose up and speak ill of her. Congratulate her! You may find that you have things in common and could possibly clique up. Let’s face it. Collaboration is much more appealing than competition. It is a beyond beautiful sight to see women coming together, and combining their talents to produce something amazing! How about this? Moving forward, leave the jealousy, cattiness, and ill will towards one another in the past FOR GOOD. Let’s encourage, uplift, and praise one another. There is more than enough room for us all to be on top, to shine, and to WIN!
N7,
Candidly C